A Catalog of Good

I’ve been rereading Wild & Precious: A Celebration of Mary Oliver in preparation for our next Pilates in Holland book club. Her poem, Mindful, jumped out at me again (I actually quoted it in this blog about enchantment). It’s this line that gets me every time:

Every day
I see or hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,

And then I came across this one from Mindful Grandparenting:

Coupled together, they really hit me. Our brains have such a natural bias towards negativity. We developed it to help us recognize and avoid future threats. But in the modern world, where we aren’t running from lions, it can keep us hyper-focused on what isn’t going well instead of noticing the good around us.

Mary’s words are always such a good reminder to notice what’s around us and be attentive to it all. Mary seems to find delight in everything, but to know her backstory is to know she suffered childhood trauma that makes that delight both hardwon and essential to her. Notice. See the pain and the beauty. And know that it’s part of us all.

For weeks, I’ve been trying to write a blog about allowing ourselves to be human, in all its messiness and beauty. I’ve started at least 3 different drafts coming at it differently each time. But I keep getting stuck because I don’t want to sound preachy and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t regard exercise and taking care of ourselves as important. I do!

But there also has to be a balance. In our world of quick information and quick fixes, it can become so easy to look for (and find) fast and easy ways to “optimize” our health. New diets/magic foods/supplements for weight loss and more, the right tea/meditation/podcast to ease our anxiety,  the best activity to increase fun/playfulness/lifespan.

I’m all for living my best life, but if I’m always looking for the latest “health hack” or have to “optimize” my life or “gamify” my workouts to ensure I do them, am I really living a life I love? One time I was determined to do an online weightlifting series all my friends were doing. It was positive peer pressure, it was good for me, it would make sure I stay strong and healthy as I age. But after I started doing the workouts on 2x speed just to get through them, I finally realized “maybe this isn’t for me!”

As I get older and the number of days ahead of me gets shorter, I’m getting pickier about how I do and don’t want to spend them. In our culture, we often hear the calls to “get shredded,” that there’s no gain without pain. And I’m not saying that’s wrong if it motivates you. However, for me, knowing that the definition of fitness is actually just being physically healthy helps me. We were born to move, so what if we move with intention to connect with our bodies and minds just as they are? For the joy and the fun of it, not with a motivation of fear.

Because all those things are really about control. About trying to control our lives and our world which is, after all, pretty uncontrollable. To avoid feeling feelings like worry and fear we can overbook ourselves with perfectionistic tasks to “ward off’ those anxieties. So we don’t actually let ourselves rest when everything we need is right here.

Over Thanksgiving, my nephew and I talked about books he reads to his 4-year-old. He mentioned one they really like, so I checked it out at our library. Little Witch Hazel: A Year in the Forest is lovely. In the story about summer, I had to stop and smile…it encapsulates so much of what I’ve been thinking. Here’s a book for children telling us that we don’t have to work our lives away, that we can just enjoy a beautiful summer day with friends. And I thought, when did I lose that as an adult? Do we need a picture book for all of us to remind us of this basic truth?

As we come to a new year, let’s maybe remember all we’ve accomplished this year before we start planning what we can do better. Personally, I’ve made tremendous strides in my mental health, supported my parents through significant medical situations, celebrated my oldest graduating from college, and helped them get set up in a new adult life where they’re flourishing, all while doing Pilates twice a week, walking regularly, working, volunteering, and doing all the everyday things life throws at us.

It took me a little while to think of that list. It’s not something we do all the time, but we should do it more often: remember and celebrate our everyday wins. When we mindfully acknowledge our successes, we give our brains evidence of progress. It becomes a mental catalog of proof that we’re capable, even when things are hard.

@laurenoflove

Take time to notice yourself and celebrate your wins. Happy New Year!