As I was reading Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old, I had to chuckle when in chapter 6 she wrote about seeing herself in the mirror: It’s a bit of a surprise every time — I expect to see twentysomething Brooke’s tight abs, but fiftysomething Brooke’s much looser tummy is staring back at me. When I picture myself in my head, I still see that younger version of me. (I actually laughed, nodded, and reread many parts of this thoroughly enjoyable book…highly recommend!)
You see, it’s not just you. LOTS of us tend to see ourselves as younger than our actual age. This phenomenon is called our subjective age, and almost everyone does it. If anyone asked me and I was completely caught off guard, I might say I’m 35, not my chronological age of 51. In fact, starting after age 25 (most kids feel older than they are until reaching full maturity) the gap can grow as we age, with us feeling only 5-6 years older for every decade we live. Studies show that adults over 40, on average, feel about 20 percent younger than they actually are.
Some researchers account for this as a sort of defense mechanism against negative ageist stereotypes in our culture. Those whose culture had more prevalent aging stereotypes tended to have a younger subjective age than those in cultures with less prevalent stereotypes. They’ve also found that successive generations’ subjective ages have gotten younger. This is called subjective rejuvenation. The researchers posit that this may be due to ageism, but it could also be because older people today are healthier on average than those of the same age in previous decades due to things like less smoking and better healthcare. Today’s older generations are also encouraged to remain active and engage in activities more than they were in the past. From all the research though, having a young subjective age is a good thing. A very good thing.
People with a younger subjective age are less likely to suffer from diabetes, hypertension, depression, cognitive impairment and dementia. They also tend to report better sleep, stronger memory function, and more fulfilling sex lives. Feeling younger than your years often correlates to walking faster and having a younger-looking brain and also comes with a lower risk of depression and greater mental well-being as we age.
Your subjective age can better predict your health than the date on your birth certificate, though this is a bit of a case of which came first, the chicken or the egg. Are people who feel younger simply healthier to start with or does that youthful feeling mean they actually take better care of themselves and therefore live longer? Several other factors affect the gap between subjective age and actual age. Having more education tended to make people feel younger. Being lonely had the opposite impact, decreasing the gap between felt age and actual age. Feeling 8-13 years older than your age was related to a higher risk of mortality throughout one study, while feeling three or more years younger than your chronological age was related to a lower death rate.
Those aging messages we see and hear around us are easy to internalize. In his book celebrating role models who came into their own later in life, Roctogenarians, author Mo Rocca shares an anecdote about how his view of himself as over the hill at 46 snuck up in him and surprised him:
In that moment, I realized that I had already begun thinking of my life as one of progressively fewer opportunities, of doors closing. I had accepted the conventional wisdom that the older I was getting, the fewer avenues would be open to me; that aging was a process solely of gradually diminishing capacities. Basically, though I wouldn’t have admitted it even to myself, I saw myself as over the hill. Mind you, I was forty-six!
But Chance had flipped the script on me. Why was I too old to be a rapper? Okay, you’re laughing. And the truth is, my beatboxing is really not where it should be. On the other hand, getting older was only going to increase the likelihood that I’d gain the life experience and wisdom and skillz (FYI, that’s how the kids spell it) necessary for meaningful creative expression.
I wouldn’t be able to write this if I’d been born fifty years earlier. Men born in the United States in 1919 lived on average to fifty-three. Considering I’m fifty-five right now, I wouldn’t be able to write anything at all. But in 2024, if you’re in your forties, fifties, or sixties and reasonably healthy, then—to quote one of my favorite lyrics from Bye Bye Birdie—there’s such a lot of livin’ to do.
Dr. Ronald D. Siegel, assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School says: Feeling younger or older itself seems to have an effect on our health. When people see themselves as old, they’re more likely to abandon physical challenges which feel difficult, such as, ‘I don’t think I should ski any more, I’m an old man.’ When people feel younger psychologically, even if physical exercise is challenging, they’re more likely to pursue it, believing no pain no gain.
If we feel old, we’re likely to treat food with an ‘I won’t live much longer, I might as well enjoy this’ attitude which could lead us to eat unhealthfully. If we feel young, we may have more of a future-orientation that will lead us to eat with future health in mind.
Here’s an incomplete list of suggestions for helping us reach a younger state of mind:
- Keep learning. Challenge yourself to try new things, learn new ideas, and develop new skills. Realizing that most human abilities follow a “use it or lose it” pattern can motivate us to stay active in all realms of our lives. Stay curious.
- Use your brain, and make it awkward! Your brain IS your body.
- Dance! Doing it with friends or out in nature is even better.
- Resist ageist stereotypes: don’t buy into them! As Mo says, you got such a lot of livin’ to do! A study has shown that people with a more positive self-perception of aging live 7.5 years longer than people who perceive aging as a negative experience.
- Bring your attention to the present moment, through meditation or informal mindfulness practice. Take time to notice and find awe in the every day rather than becoming lost in regrets about the past or imagining future deterioration.
- Develop a sense of meaning in life. Focus on something larger than yourself, whether that’s connecting with people close to you or helping improve the lives of others. Or commit yourself to a hobby you love. “When our focus is just on our own immediate pleasure or pain, we’re much more likely to have difficulty with the aging process,” says Dr. Siegel.
- And, of course, keep moving with Pilates in Holland. We’ll keep you ready for anything that comes your way.
Let’s make it to 100 together! Remember you’re only as old as you feel. :)
