Shades of Grey

After I finished writing the last blog about recognizing and celebrating everyday wins, I stood up to stretch and get some lunch. And then my mind started telling me all the other tasks I hadn’t finished yet. I literally had to stop and remind myself to take the win and be happy that I’d just finished a big task. (Full disclosure, I actually stopped and wrote this paragraph before I forgot it and then celebrated. ;) ) 

Harvard psychology professor Ellen Langer suggests “psychology may be the most important determinant of our health” and that reworking thought patterns can impact physical well-being. She even says that simply noticing that we’re exercising, or maintaining an active mindset, instead of going on autopilot, comes with major benefits for well-being.

So let’s talk about some of the negative or irrational narratives that might be holding us back. Cognitive distortions are common and happen to everyone occasionally. They may stem from our natural negativity bias. However, having distorted thoughts frequently could be a reason to see a mental health professional for help.

There are 10 common negative thought patterns or cognitive distortions. If you want more information, there’s a ton out there, including from Harvard and the Mayo Clinic.

1. All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing situations in extremes, you see things only as either good or bad. There is no middle ground. 
2. Overgeneralization: Drawing broad conclusions from a single adverse event, assuming it will happen again and again. 
3. Mental filtering: Focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation and ignoring the positive, which can distort your perception of reality. 
4. Discounting the positive: Dismissing positive experiences or accomplishments as unimportant, accidental, or not significant. 
5. Jumping to conclusions: Making negative assumptions about situations or other people’s thoughts without sufficient evidence. 
   1. Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
   2. Fortune telling: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
6. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: Similar to mental filtering and discounting the positive, this cognitive distortion involves magnifying your negative qualities while minimizing your positive ones. This is also called the “binocular trick.”
7. Emotional reasoning: Believing that your negative feelings accurately reflect reality, even when they may be based on distorted thinking. 
8. Should statements: Thinking of all the things you think you “should” do and blaming yourself for not doing them. (This is what I was doing after finishing the last blog!)
9. Labeling: Attaching negative labels to yourself or others instead of describing specific behaviors. 
10. Personalization: Taking responsibility for things that are not within your control or blaming yourself for things that are not your fault.

I want to talk more about all-or-nothing or black and white thinking. A while back, my dentist suggested I get an electric toothbrush. I wasn’t having more cavities, but he was seeing more spots that could become cavities, so, like the good student that I am, I got one. But I didn’t know it would time me! Apparently, I had never actually brushed my teeth for the full 2 minutes before I owned this because it felt like forever (never mind the fact that it yells at me if I’m pressing too hard)! There were some days that I just didn’t brush because I didn’t have two whole minutes to spare. So instead of brushing for 30 seconds, I skipped it altogether. Were my teeth healthier at my next check-up? Nope. Because I didn’t allow myself the grey area where brushing for 30 seconds or a minute was good enough. 

The same is true for eating healthy or exercising. Enjoy that chocolate croissant for breakfast, and instead of saying the day is ruined, maybe make a different choice for lunch. Do a “better than nothing” workout instead of saying if I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t try at all. Can’t get through the entire 30-minute workout you like? Do half! Don’t feel up to the 5-mile run? Power vacuum your house. Can’t bear the weighted vest today? Just get outside for 5 minutes. Any amount is better than nothing. Every choice you make to thrive counts (and that includes savoring that delicious croissant).

Black and white thinking can intensify our emotions and make problem-solving difficult. Since challenges are inevitable, all-or-nothing thinking can make us feel like life is all bad, all the time. And by labeling something as good or bad, positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy, depleting or life-affirming, we’re limiting the different ways we can see a situation, which can keep us stuck. Finding the nuance, the grey, is a sign of cognitive flexibility or being able to adapt instead of giving up completely. It also helps to foster a growth mindset.

Find the grey by asking, “How could I describe the facts of this situation without adjectives? What facts do I have to support this? What facts do I have to disprove this? What opportunities can I find? What is still uncertain about this? What can’t I predict? If my best friend were thinking about this stuff, what would they say?” Recognizing that success and progress are not all-or-nothing concepts can help you feel better about your progress and identify your strengths.

So now I do brush my teeth every day again, twice even! But if I’m feeling strapped for time, I will just turn the toothbrush off early. It’s actually become a little thing I have learned to feel proud of: that I’m in charge of the toothbrush, not the other way around ;). But seriously, learning to take the small wins, to see and acknowledge the progress, is something I’m getting better at. And it makes me smile with a bright, toothy grin. (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)